He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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