when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
