i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
