I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
