the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
