your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
All I want is dick and wine.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
