What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
