You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize