I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Randomize
