sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
