did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
