she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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