I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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