she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
pray to the hookup gods
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
