dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
