Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
