You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
