Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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