i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
