We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
