Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize