First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
