Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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