And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
