i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize