just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
