I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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