were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
