im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
