The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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