hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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