I met the friendliest cop last night
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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