Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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