He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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