She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
