looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
