I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
