I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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