belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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