Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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