you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
