My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
