so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
