Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize