i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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