my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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