at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
