im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have fence marks all over my body
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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