Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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