OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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