i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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