Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
