Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
