Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
