can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
