both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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