I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
