what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
