New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well I just put wine in my tea
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
