Your face is a jimmy john
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
