I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
