I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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