I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
