I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
