Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
