Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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