Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
