I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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