oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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