i may or may not be watching the land before time
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
