i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
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