I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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