ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
