so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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