super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
