so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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