dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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